Why?
by BunBunBabe
Summary: "I could put this in my mouth and pull the trigger a thousand times and I will die each time but I always come back..."Jack said.    I've given up this story I did start a 3rd chapter if anyone wants to adopt free to good home.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own, I wish I did or there would be Janto all day long,**

**I would like to thank my betas Peppe and Secrets-and -Smiles and my idea bouncer Stardiva and I hope you all enjoy since this is my first Torchwood story ever.**

**This story is rated T for mild swearing and full of janto goodness and of course what's janto without a little mpreg  
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**Chapter 1: Broken Hearted Captain**

The service was nice; Jack had steeled himself to keep from showing any emotion as he sat between Gwen and Rhys, as Toshiko stood and began to speak about Ianto the time agent grabbed Gwen's hand and squeezed it to keep himself from breaking down. When the service ended an hour later Jack Harkness let his co-workers lead him back to the Torchwood hub. When the cog wheel door closed and the alarms fell silent everyone looked at the fifty-first century man. Taking a shuddering breath Jack and pushed himself to do some work, he looked at the computers before looking at the resident computer specialist. "Tosh… can you check the rift…Owen I need your report from the last artifact," Jack said as he made his way to the kitchen. As soon but as he saw the coffee pot sitting in the machine waiting to be used Jack felt tears start to cloud his vision at the very thought of Ianto never making another cup of coffee for him. He let all his pain out as he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, all his pain finally erupting like a dormant volcano.

Trying to stifle his tears Jack pulled himself into a ball and put his head down, he was alone again… being immortal meant he would have to say goodbye to his friends someday but it was too soon. _I can still hear him in my head…he's never going to be calling me Cariad ever again… _Jack thought as felt his tears soak through his favorite coat.

Gwen walked to the kitchen and peered around the corner when she saw Jack sitting on the floor his knees against his chest and his forehead resting on his arms, she felt her heart go out to the man. When she heard him sniffling back tears she moved into the kitchen and sat beside him on the floor. "I should have been the one that went, if the rift alarm hadn't gone off then Ianto wouldn't have gone in my place. I would have died but I would have come back…" Jack sobbed as he took in another shuddering breath. The young Welshwoman put her arms around the man and hugged him close.

"Jack… you have to remember Ianto's body was never recovered when the accident happened, we don't know If he's alive or not," Gwen said softly as she began to rub the older man's back in small circles. "Don't patronize me please Gwen, we searched for a week, he's gone and he won't be coming back," Jack snapped back coldly as he pulled away from the woman. He didn't mean to snap but getting his hopes up meant more heartache. Jack pulled his gun out of his holster and looked at it. "I could put this in my mouth and pull the trigger a thousand times and I will die each time but I always come back. But Ianto won't, he's dead and we just have to accept it… even if it hurts," Jack added as he put his gun on the floor beside him his hand still resting on the handle.

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><p>Owen tapped his pen on his report as he filled out the information to finish his paperwork, when he halfway done with the report the rift alarm began to blare loudly with a yellow light. Jack looked up and let his head fall back against the wall, "Gwen… you guys should go without me, I can't right now…" Jack said softly as he stayed on the floor. Gwen reached over and took Jack's gun "I'm going to put this in the other room, why don't you go lie down for a while Jack…" Gwen suggested as she left and followed the other two to the SUV. Tosh and Owen didn't question Jack's absence they knew he was fragile and time before he dove fully back into work. "How bad is it?"Owen asked as he started the company car.<p>

"It's bad, I'm worried about leaving him alone right now… you two have known him longer, and well I don't know how to ask this but has…Jack…ever you know…" Gwen tried to figure out how to ask her question. Owen turned around "Out with it Gwen…" he snapped. Gwen bit her cheek and closed her eyes. "Has Jack ever been suicidal?" she asked opening her eyes to see Tosh and Owen's reaction. Tosh shook her head as she looked at Gwen in the back seat "Never, why do you think he's thinking about it?" the Asian woman asked very worried about their boss. "Maybe one of us should stay behind this is just an artifact retrieval what do you think Owen?" Toshiko asked.

Thinking things over Owen shook his head. "We won't be gone long and as long as we keep in contact with him over the comms and talk him through any problems then he should be alright," he said driving out of the hidden garage he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. Soon they made their way through Cardiff and to the location of the artifact. "Tosh are you sure this is the place?" Owen said looking at the vast building in front of them. The report had said the item that came through the rift was quite small. "We're going to be here for hours looking for this thing," Gwen remarked with a sigh.

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><p>Jack dragged himself out of the kitchen; he slowly made his way to his bunker under his office, as soon as he sat on his cot he looked across the bunker and saw a framed picture of Ianto and himself that Gwen had taken when she brought the camera Rhys got her to work and was taking pictures of everyone. Walking over to the shelf Jack grabbed the picture and carried it to bed with him.<p>

"I should have gone…I'm so sorry Yan… please forgive me…" Jack said softly as he sat on his cot, his tears dripping onto the glass that protected the picture. Lying down slowly Jack put the picture on his nightstand before he hugged one pillow against his chest, it still smelled like Ianto from the last time he had spent the night. "I miss you so much Yan…so much," he whispered softly as he turned the light off and tried to fall asleep. The ticking clock on the nightstand lulled the time agent into a restless sleep, nightmares plagued his dreams. After two hours on barely getting any sleep Jack pulled himself out of bed, reaching up to his cheek he felt the dried tears on his face. He walked into his private bathroom and washed his face off before making his way back up to his office.

When he got there he found a folded note on his desk from the rest of his team telling him everything had been taken care of and the artifact was stored safely away in the archives and that everyone would be back in the morning. Looking around his office Jack heard his stomach growl loudly; it was then he realized that he hadn't eaten much in days. "I'm starving, maybe there is something in the fridge…" he whispered to himself as he made his way through the dark hub to the small kitchen area. Grabbing the handle of the fridge jack pulled it open and found a pizza box from his favorite place and another note "Jack we knew you would be hungry so we got you your favorite, love Tosh, Gwen and Owen… okay not Owen," Jack read with a small smile, he opened the pizza box he smiled when he saw the three meat special, it reminded him of the time that Owen had made a joke about him like three meats in him and his own response about only liking Ianto being in him made the young Welshman so mad that he hid in the archives for a week and put Jack on decaf coffee for a month.

Taking a deep whiff of the pizza Jack felt his stomach churn harshly; dropping the pizza on the small table he grabbed the rim of the sink and began to empty what little was in his stomach from the few bites of a muffin he had for breakfast. Once he was done he wiped his mouth off and began to shake from becoming sick. "Oh god no…" Jack whispered as he rushed out of the kitchen and made his way through the dimly lit hub to the autopsy bay, digging around Jack found the old ultrasound machine that had somehow been purchased but never used once. Not even bothering to warm the gel he pulled the machine to the edge of the table and laid down on the cold table and lifted his shirt up and put the gel on his hard stomach.

As he pushed the scanner around Jack began to control his breathing until he heard a heartbeat coming from the ultrasound, Jack felt his heart constrict as his hand slid away to the left he froze when he heard a second heartbeat. Dropping the scanner Jack sat up and put his head in his hands. "I'm having twins… I'm having twins," Jack yelled as he felt his anger and pain boil in his chest again. _How can there be a god…how can he give me two children and take their father away so easily…_ Jack thought in anger as he threw things around the hub as he made his way to his office. Grabbing his phone off his desk he dialed Owen's number and waited for him to pick up.

"Owen… Owen shut up and could please come to the office as soon as possible, I need you to come back… no it's not an emergency but if you don't show up in the next forty minutes I'll retcon you all the way back to the day you were born," Jack warned as he hung up and dropped his phone on his desk. "You would have been a great father Yan, I bet they look just like you," Jack said softly as he put his hand over his still flat stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

( I do not own torchwood I wish I did and once again thank you peppe for betaing this and thank you fans for reviewing and thank you stardiva for helping to bounce more ideas)

**Chapter 2: Doctor's Visits Can Be Interesting**

Owen dragged himself out of bed and slowly dressed; he looked at his clock and saw it was only ten at night, throwing a shirt on he decided to just get it over with. Jumping into a cab he sat back and waited until it pulled up to his destination Owen paid the driver and waited until he was gone before taking the invisible lift into the hub. "Jack…what's up that you dragged me out of bed?" Owen called as he looked around and saw the mess. Rushing up the steps to Jack's office the young doctor found his boss sitting in his office his mouth resting on his folded hands. "Thanks for coming Owen, have a seat…we need to talk about something, something that is beyond secret… if you so much as utter a word of this to Tosh or Gwen I will break your neck and then I will use any means I can to bring you back to life then I'll do it again. Is that understood?" Jack asked as he watched Owen nod.

"Listen Owen… in the fifty-first century; men are going to be able to become pregnant, and when I became ill earlier I used the ultrasound machine in the autopsy bay. If I was doing it correctly it was saying I'm having twins… I want you to run all the tests you can right now and keep all the information hidden," Jack said as he slowly got up from behind his desk. "I'll take some blood and run a couple tests; I assume Ianto is the father?" Owen asked going into doctor mode and taking mental notes he didn't see the sad look on Jack's face. "Yes…there is no one else I have been with," Jack said coldly as he walked back to the exam table and lifted his shirt back up so Owen could examine him, soon Owen had the first heartbeat back on the monitor and after a moment of searching he found the second heartbeat he was in shock that what Jack had told him was true. "You really are pregnant… well you should get started on some vitamins and you need to switch your diet from the usual stuff you eat to a more healthy diet that means no more caffeine, no more pizza or take out, you'll need to increase your fiber, and cut back on the calories," Owen said as he started to write his notes down in a note pad.

Jack cleaned himself off again and put his hands in his lap, his hormones getting to him again when he thought of going through his pregnancy alone. "I… miss him so much, Owen… what am I going to do without him, how can I raise two kids that are going to look just like him?" Jack asked softly as he tried to keep from crying again. The young doctor who always seemed so cocky was at a loss of how to react, he had never met a hormonally pregnant man before and it was all new to him moving closer to Jack and put a comforting arm around him,_ before Tosh and Gwen get here tomorrow I'll erase any CCTV footage of this, I don't need them thinking I've gone soft_. Owen thought as he waited for Jack to pull away. "We'll be here for you and we'll help as best we can, but right now you need to sleep on something better than that cot in your bunker, come on you can stay at my place tonight you can have my bed I'll sleep on the couch. Just go pack a few things and we'll go," Owen said as he finished his notes and locked them in his desk drawer.

The young doctor watched as his boss walked back to his office _He's a wreck with Tea-boy not being here and now kids this is starting to play out like some bad American soap opera, next thing you know Ianto's going to someday come strolling back in here claiming he was in a coma and then things are going to get cheesy._ Owen thought as he grabbed his phone before going up to Jack's office. "I'm almost ready I'm just checking rift predictions for the rest of the night, I've already packed a bag so we can go as soon as I'm done," Jack said looking at the read outs, when he was done he turned his desk lap off and followed Owen out of the hub. "I never knew how dead this area got at night…" Jack remarked as he watched Owen try to hail a cab for them, he chuckled as he raised his arm and gave short whistle as a cab pulled up and parked beside them.

After a short cab ride Jack found himself standing inside Owen's place "Not too shabby," Jack remarked as he walked around the living room looking at the knickknacks that Owen had all over his shelves. As he busied himself in the kitchen Owen poked his head out into the living room "My room is the last door on the left, get some rest and doctor's orders say that you'll be going into work late tomorrow only after you have a decent breakfast," he said as he ducked back into the kitchen. Jack gave the living room one last look before he made his way down the hall and into the master bedroom. After stripping to his boxers Jack crawled under the covers and put a hand over his stomach protectively. "If Ianto were here right now I wonder what he would say about being a father. You two are all I have left of him and I will cherish every little breath you take when you're born and grow," Jack whispered softly as he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

As he made a stiff drink Owen sat at his small kitchen table and downed it quickly and looked out the window. "Tea-boy if you are still alive then, you really deserve to have a good arse kicking for making him cry like this… or it could be the hormones that are making him like this." Owen said softly as he looked at the glass in his hands. "Where the hell could you be Tea-boy if you are alive?" Owen asked as he put his glass down and made his way down the hall to check on his patient, as he opened the door he found Jack asleep on his bed hugging of his pillows in a death grip and talking in his sleep.

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><p>Ianto Jones, the mild mannered administrator of Torchwood, was at a loss. He had been trained to everything from administrative duties to making sure Jack kept his hands to himself at work. But nothing prepared him for psychologically dealing with traveling back through time; it had happened so fast that he wasn't even sure how it happened. <em> The last thing I remember is the accident and then I felt like I was being thrown through ice water and when I woke up I was here…<em> Ianto thought as he looked at the alien device in his hands before putting it back into his pocket as he looked down the empty road.

_Jack must be going out of his mind with worry; he must think I'm dead if he couldn't find me…_ Ianto thought as stood up and made his way down the street. "How am I going to get home, that is if I ever get home…" he whispered softly as he kicked a small stone and watched it as it bounce down the street. He then saw it bounce off the base of a bright blue box; Ianto looked at the box and began to walk by it before he froze and spun around.

"It…it… it's a blue box…a blue police box… it's a blue police box…" Ianto cried out as he ran over to it and ran his hand over the wood paneling "I can't believe it I'm standing in front of the famous Tardis owned by the Doctor," Ianto almost squealed in excitement. Now he could get a ride home back to his time. Going to the door Ianto began to bang on the door until he heard the door unlock and begin to open. A man stood before Ianto in a brown pinstripe suit and a brown trench coat. "Hello, can I help you?" the man asked looking Ianto over.

Shaking his head Ianto practically threw himself at the time lord in front of him. "You're the doctor… and this is your spaceship and I need your help to get back to the twenty-first century where I belong," Ianto said silently praying that he would be able to get back to Jack. "Well do you have a name mystery man? You who claim to know me," the Doctor said looking Ianto's clothes over. "I'm Ianto Jones I work for Torchwood with Jack Harkness and I have to get back to him," Ianto said hoping to not be left behind in the past.

The Doctor looked Ianto over once more "I'm sorry but I can't… I have to do a couple things and also I can't let Torchwood get a hold of this ship," the Doctor said as he walked out of the Tardis and shut the door behind him. Ianto grabbed the time lord by the lapels of his jacket and shoved him against his ship "I don't care… I have been in an accident, thrown into the past by some strange alien artifact and my friends and family probably think I'm dead right now… I won't let them suffer anymore, so you're going to open that door and take me home," Ianto said his eyes filled with fire.

Nodding slowly the Doctor quickly opened the door and let Ianto into his ship and saw a shocked look on his face. "Now I know what you're going to say it's bigger on the inside than the outside," the time lord said as he watched Ianto walk around the console. "It's not that I'm just so shocked that this place is such a pig sty. How can you travel through time and space in such a vast ship and let it get to this level of filth… you're almost as bad as Jack!" Ianto remarked as he ran a finger over the console revealing a large trail in the dust. "May I ask how you are able to survive Jack if he's so bad?" the Doctor asked looking at the young Welshman. "It's a daily battle, one I intend on winning some day," Ianto said with a smirk as he leaned against the railing and watched the other man walk around the console.

"You said that you two work for Torchwood, is that how you got stranded in seventeen seventy-six America?" the Doctor asked as he turned a few dials. Nodding Ianto looked at the green tower in the center; to Ianto it was hauntingly beautiful. "This ship can take us anywhere and any when, If you want I could show you around the cosmos, take you to the future or the past…"the Doctor offered as he stroked the console a bit. Ianto shook his head. "No thank you, I need to get back home… if you could take me back to an hour after the accident that would mean a lot to me," the Welshman requested thinking back to how worried Jack was about him going to London in the first place. "Now get this ship started and take me back, I miss Jack and the others… you have to take me to Cardiff, Roald Dahl Plass," he said softly as he sank to the floor and put his head against his arms.

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><p>Soon the Tardis vanished from the street corner and they were traveling through time. When they landed a few moments later the Doctor looked over at Ianto. "Here we are, the day after the accident," the Doctor said as he turned the Tardis down, walking over to the door and pulling it open. "I recognize this place, we're parked on the rift… so you say Torchwood is nearby?" the Doctor asked as Ianto walked out of the police box. Ianto smiled as he looked up at the sky before looking at the ground below his feet. "Yeah we're standing right on top of it actually," Ianto said as he led the Doctor to the into the tourist center and down the elevator, punching in the code for the cog wheel door while he heard the familiar alarms blare.<p>

Jack looked up from where he was sitting in autopsy talking to Owen about his report; he knew no one had left the hub so no one should be returning. As he walked up the stairs to where Gwen and Tosh were sitting he heard Owen walk up behind him. When the door fully opened Jack swallowed hard when he saw Ianto stroll into the hub. "Ianto…you're alive…where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks since the accident I lost hope that you were still alive, " Jack said as he rushed over and hugged Ianto in a death grip that he stopped as soon as he saw who was with him...it was the Doctor. Jack pulled away from his lover and stood in front of him.

"Right…two weeks, looks like I over shot the accident a bit…" the Doctor said rubbing the back of his head as he looked at Jack. Before anyone could stop him Jack pulled back his fist back and punched the time lord in the face sending him back against the cog wheel door. Owen grabbed Jack and pulled him back. "Calm down Jack…you know you got your personal tea-boy back now go to him and don't let him go," Owen remarked as he pushed the captain toward Ianto. Ianto smiled when he saw Jack look at him "You have no idea how much I missed you Cariad," Ianto said softly as he walked over to Jack and hugged him again. Jack felt his hormones take over as he started to cry into Ianto's shoulder. "I'm not letting you go on any more solo jobs ever again," Jack sobbed.


End file.
